If I had a choice to hide away in my bedroom today, I probably would have done that at about 10:30 this morning. I am not even really sure what exactly went wrong to make me feel so incredibly irritable, but I am not feeling super positive at the moment. The littlest things can really chip away at me, and before I know it, I am ready to throw my hands up in the air. This is why I decided to create this blog. I want to be able to share and motivate and encourage, but I also wanted to be real about some of the things that make up my day, good,bad, or indifferent... however the chips may fall.
So let me start by saying that if I see one more meme, or read one more inspirational quote about "make the rest of your day the best of your day", I"m gonna lose it. Don't get me wrong, I am as guilty as the next person for posting all of those amazing Pinterest posters that we save in our albums and then share all over Facebook. They really can be a marvellous boost for someone who needs to see something funny or read a powerful quote. Today, they are all just annoying the snot out of me, so I am scrolling over them really fast, because I just want to figure out on my own how to work out whatever this day is challenging me with. Im not really doing a great job at it, but I don't want some crazy chipmunk with its cheeks stuffed with nuts telling me to smile. Grrrr!!!
When I look back on the day, and even the week, what I can see happening is a good deal of effort on my part for certain things to move in a certain direction, with very little change. Not just big projects that I am working on, but a lot of little things too. Things that I deal with every day in my busy little house, things at work, things with my bootcamp class, things at church. It gets to me a little when I have to keep going back to the same issues, with no improvement. I often wonder how many times I will have to remind my kids of their daily responsibilities before they will actually just get up in the morning and follow through with what they know is expected of them to help our home run smoothly. I always point out to them that it benefits EVERYONE as a whole when we each do what we need to do as individuals. There are a lot of bodies in this house, with a lot of stuff, and it only takes an instant for it to get really crazy around here.
And then I wonder how much I can offer of myself, time, energy, advice, time...time....time...before I start to see that maybe I can't keep doing the same things and expecting there to be change. We all know what THAT defines. I love to help people, but sometimes people have to start to help themselves. I've been trying to put a few things into perspective with regards to my time spent on my family, my jobs, my goals, myself. The thing that has really been difficult, is I just get a little fed up. Yes, yes I do. I can't always think of what is for supper, or keep the floors clean. I can't always give someone the best advice about running, or hold their hand all the way to bootcamp. I can't always stay on top of my programming at work, or keep my car clean. And when all these responsibilities pile up, I start to feel like I do today.
I know that there are other people out there that can relate, but I also know that for me it is on a different level, just because of sheer numbers. More food, more laundry, more lovely children and all of their schoolwork and lessons and hormones. So for one momma, it can get a little overwhelming. I think more than anything, I just don't want to have to apologize for being a crab today. I sent Barry a text today that said "today sucks". I know that is not very mature, and my kids are not even allowed to say that work in that context, but that was how I felt. When he asked why, I replied'"because it just does". So now that your all thinking that I am just being a big baby, you know what, that's your prerogative. But I have had a very ugly, day. I am very blessed, I am not complaining about all of the wonderful things that I have, I am just crabby and tired and I'm hoping to be out of this funk tomorrow.
So maybe I can make up my own meme today; my own little quotable quote. Here goes...
When you have a life like mine, then you can tell me how I should feel. Until then zip it and let me whine today!!
Thank you...that felt good.